dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
