She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
