just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
