She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
