this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
