He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
