I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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