The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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