I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
