Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
