What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
