this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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