the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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