When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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