I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
