I am in a vortex of obligation.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
