He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
