Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
