More tranny stories later!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
