they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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