i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
