Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
