never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
