Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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