FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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