What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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