i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I would ride that face into the sunset
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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