you guys were way drunker than both of me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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