Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We are all done wearing pants today
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
