She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
