Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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