I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
