she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
