Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
