I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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