Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
