i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
