if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
