Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
