one might say we're banned from that church
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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