he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
