All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize