Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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