watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
