she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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