well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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