He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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