your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
