All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
