im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
