I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
