I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
