your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
