I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
