you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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