OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
