How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
