only if we run a train.
done.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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