Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
