I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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