Nicole vs. Life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
