nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
