apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
ttyl tear gas
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
