i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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