dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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