3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
