just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
