Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
