Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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