he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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