Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
