I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
