she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So vagazzling was a success
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
