You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
