is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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