So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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