I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
