oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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