my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
