dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she smelled like a LAN party
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
