Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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