do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The adults are the big ones right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
